To my closest aunt

Dear God, the only thing I ask of You
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away


Everything is so surreal now. I feel so helplessly sad.
Thank you aunt, for being there for me since I was young. 
Thank you
For buying a car for my parents back in Malaysia when my mum was conceiving me so that it is easier for my mum to travel around. 
For always pampering me with my favorite clay-pot rice/wanton mee and huge ass orange juice at KLCC hawker centre whenever I go back to pay you a visit.
For giving me my favorite bolster's cover, I'm still using it up till now.
For giving me free rides to play at the arcade you used to work at.
For introducing me to sodoku 
For patting me to sleep while you chat with my mum at 3am
For bringing me around KL when I was so so so young, I can barely remember anything.

Thank you so much, among all the aunts, I'm the closest to you because I felt that you're genuinely the nicest to mummy. 

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I don't even have a proper photo with you. 
I'm so sorry that you won't get to see/hear whatever I'm gonna say now. 
I'm sorry for not being able to send you off for the last time, for being there for you at your funeral.
I'm sorry that you have to lead such a tough life since young, and I didn't do my job as a niece and took care of you when you were battling with cancer. 
I'm sorry I didn't go back to visit you when you're still here. 
I'm sorry for not being able to give you back what you gave to me. The amount of love, concern, effort and time.

I love you, I'll always do. 
You'll be in my heart forever.